I’ve noticed some folks obsessed with why something happened.
- Why did they say that?
- Why did life turn out this way?
- Why did they hurt me?
This is a form of avoidance.
You are avoiding what is—the facts of the situation.
Wishing things were different does not change the reality in front of you.
This coping mechanism likely began in childhood. If your parents or caregivers couldn’t meet your emotional needs, you may have tried to understand why:
- Why weren’t they there for me?
- Why did they criticize me?
- Why didn’t they love me the way I needed?
The search for answers gave you a false sense of control. If you could understand, maybe you could fix it. But as a child, you didn’t have the tools to realize the problem wasn’t yours to fix.
This overanalyzing habit now bleeds into adulthood, where you distance yourself from your emotions by trying to think your way through pain rather than feel it.
For example:
- Instead of grieving a betrayal, you might replay the situation in your mind, analyzing every moment, searching for the “why.”
- Instead of facing the sadness of a failed relationship, you might try to pinpoint exactly where things went wrong or who’s to blame.
But sometimes, things won’t make sense.
Not every action has a clear explanation. Not every situation will bring closure.
Your work is not to understand why but to be with what is.
- Acknowledge the facts: “This happened.”
- Feel the emotions: anger, sadness, grief, frustration.
- Allow yourself to process those emotions without needing to justify or explain them away.
This is where healing begins—not in analyzing, but in accepting.
Ask yourself: Am I avoiding the reality of my feelings?
By focusing on staying present with your emotions, you can move closer to peace.
Changing this begins in the Lower Cauldron with inner safety and connection to your body.
It then becomes Middle Cauldron work when you have to change your outward behavior and drop the need to know why (that’s hard AF!) – but trust me, it brings huge peace! 🧡