Your language choice matters…. and it IS a choice.
Language is not neutral. The words you reach for habitually become the story your emotional, physical, spiritual and mental bodies believe.
I want to look at four patterns with you because I see them come up with folk I work with, including those ‘well along’ on their path.
1. Avoidance Language
Language that helps you escape discomfort instead of moving through it.
Examples:
- “I’m protecting my peace.”
- “That’s too triggering for me right now.”
- “I’m distancing myself.”
These phrases aren’t always wrong; in fact, sometimes they are necessary. However, when they become a reflex, and you’re using this language on the regular, it’s worth examining.
There’s a difference between genuine discernment about what you engage with and a habitual sidestep whenever something feels uncomfortable.
Also, these phrases are a way of hiding in ‘self-awareness’.
The job of middle cauldron work is to learn how to FEEL and DEAL with life as a human being with everything that entails. It’s ok to avoid certain situations when you’re working on lower cauldron work – it’s hard to become regulated and safe when you’re in the thick of triggering and difficult spaces. But you cannot stay there forever. At some point, you need to face hard things.
2. Helplessness Language
Language that lowers your sense of agency and reinforces limitation.
Examples:
- “I don’t have the capacity.”
- “Adulting is hard.”
- “I’m mentally exhausted.”
Sometimes these are accurate and the honest thing to say, but repeated often enough, they start to function as instructions.
You end up limiting yourself. Repeated language shapes what you believe you can handle, and that belief becomes ingrained and difficult to break free from over time.
3. Fragility Language
Language that teaches the nervous system that discomfort is dangerous.
Example:
- “I need to feel okay first.”
- “I can’t take a step until I’m totally ready.”
The Middle Cauldron’s work often happens in ‘not-okay’ moments. Difficult experiences don’t wait until you feel ready. So if you wait and wait in small moments, you won’t build the resiliency you need when life comes and kicks your ass… which it will.
When you habitually frame any discomfort as danger, you train yourself out of exactly the capacity you’re trying to build.
Public Service Announcement:
Not all stress is harmful.
4. Growth Language
Language that acknowledges difficulty without surrendering agency.
Examples:
- “This is hard, but I can stay with it.”
- “I may not like my options, but I still have choices.”
- “I’m learning how to handle this.”
This doesn’t mean toxic positivity or pretending things are fine. It means choosing words that keep you connected to your own agency even when things are difficult.
Pay attention to the language you use when something gets hard. You don’t necessarily need to overhaul anything. Just notice which of these four patterns shows up most for you, and whether it’s serving the work you’re actually here to do.
What small shifts do you feel able to make to your language in life? 🥰