How do you know what your boundaries are?

 Not everyone does. 

You might not have many boundaries or confuse what your real boundaries are with what others expect of you.

 Boundaries are not about right or wrong. 

Your personal healthy boundaries are based on your own value system and perspective and might be totally different than someone else’s. 

This also means that you don’t have to explain or defend your boundaries.

 You just need to set them.

 In this episode, I talk you through 12 signs that you may have boundary issues, and you might be surprised! 

Boundary issues manifest in many ways – this podcast will help you to understand those that are relevant to you more clearly.

 Personal boundaries are the limits you decide work for you on how people can treat you, how they can behave around you, and what they can expect from you.

 If you don’t set healthy boundaries, you are likely to constantly be at the mercy of others. 

This means you allow others to tell you how to think, act, and feel. 

It also means you tend to spend your time and energy doing what others want you to do over what you deep down want to do. 

In the long term, this can lead to frustration and depression because you will feel unfulfilled or lost.

How do you know if your boundaries are being crossed?

Generally, there are a few broad categories that comprise boundary violations: verbal, psychological, emotional, physical, ethical, spiritual, and moral.

12 Signs that you lack boundaries

1. Your relationships tend to be difficult or dramatic.
2. You find decision making a real challenge.
3. You really, really hate to let other people down.
4. You struggle with guilt and anxiety.
5. You are often tired for no apparent reason.
6. Your radar is off when it comes to sharing.
7. You are constantly the victim of situations.
8. You are a tiny bit annoyed most of the time.
9. You secretly feel that others don’t show you respect.
10. You might just be passive-aggressive.
11. You often wonder who you really are.
12. Your secret fear is of being rejected or abandoned.

This week’s activity

Start to build a values list (which will inform which boundaries you need to set in your life.

Click to download a list of values that you can use for this exercise. 

Once you’ve downloaded this list of values I want you to go through this list and choose 8 – 10 values that you are passionate about to start off with. 

Take your time to think about each of these values and how they make you feel in your body. 

Ask questions (and write down the answers) 

Why is this value important to me? 

Are there areas in my life where my values are being ignored (by me or by others) or tossed to the side? 

Start building new boundaries based on your values. 

I.e If honesty is a value that you are very passionate about, then a good boundary for you would be to not accept behaviours from people who are consistently untruthful or untrustworthy. 

How you choose to enforce your boundaries is personal to you. But it’s not always easy and you will probably come up against conflict (especially from people who benefit from your lack of boundaries). 

Be brave and stick it out. And stop putting up with stuff that you don’t have to!

You can also Journey with your Guides on each individual value and what it means for you. This will help you to build strong relationships with your values, which will be extremely beneficial when it comes to setting boundaries around those values.