s3 127. Don Miguel Ruiz Jr discusses fear, AI, and staying human in changing times -

SHAMANTALK

Don Miguel Ruiz Jr discusses fear, AI, and staying human in changing times

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In this powerful conversation, I welcome Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. to discuss his new book, The Poisoned Arrow: A Toltec Guide to Overcoming Fear.

Miguel shares candidly about how the book emerged from personal experiences, including a concussion, caregiver’s fatigue, and a cancer scare, making it a deeply authentic exploration of fear in real-time healing.

The discussion weaves together Toltec wisdom, modern challenges such as AI and social media, and practical approaches to working with both rational and irrational fears.

About my Guest – Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. is a Toltec Master of Transformation and author of multiple books, including The Five Levels of Attachment and The Mastery of Self. He carries forward the teachings of his grandmother, Madre Sarita, the spiritual head of their family.

From that early age, he was called upon to translate Madre Sarita’s prayers, lectures, and workshops from Spanish into English. In this way, through constant repetition and review, he learned the content of her teachings in both languages. Miguel now brings ancient Toltec wisdom into practical, accessible language for modern life, transforming the lives of countless souls.

Find his work: The Poisoned Arrow: A Toltec Guide to Overcoming Fear – Available wherever books are sold

Transcript

Hi everyone, welcome to this episode of Shaman Talk. My guest today is Dom Miguel Ruiz Jr. who’s a Toltech master

and author of the new book, The Poisoned Arrow: A Toltech Guide to Overcoming

Fear. Now, the book opens with a powerful Buddhist parable, and I’m going

to give you it now so you can think about it as we talk about this book. Imagine you’re struck by a poisoned

arrow, and your friends rush to help, but you stop them. Wait, before you

remove it, I need to know who shot me. Where are they from? Why did they do it?

And when I read the book, this made me laugh cuz I was like, I absolutely recognize that reaction.

But what I love about um this book is that Miguel adds something really crucial. So even after we remove the

arrow, there’s poison left behind. And the poison is fear. and he spent his

life studying how psychological fear infiltrates every aspect of our lives, our relationships, our choices, our

dreams. And in the poison arrow, he offers us the antidote to that poison.

So today we get to explore that the practices and how ancient tool wisdom

meets our modern beers. So Miguel, thank you so much. It’s an honor to have you.

Aron, good morning, afternoon. It’s an honor to be on your podcast. Thank you so much for the invitation. Yeah. Okay.

So, you’ve written some many beautiful books about attachment, selfmastery,

relationships. What was it about fear that was calling to be explored now? What made 2025 the

right time for the poisoned arrow? Well, that’s a great wonderful question. Thank you.

It came out of a basically combination of situations. Obviously 2020 and

everything that happened post and election times and everything that’s happening with social media and things like that but that was like the at the

time the the true nature is like the way I write books is that for example when I

talked I wrote my book the five levels of attachment I was writing about going up the levels of attachment going from

level one to level five from um the authentic self to fanaticism and then I

started writing going down and going between level three and level two from

internalization to preference. I just started going off on a tangent and I just started writing writing writing

writing because this is to me that was the the the chapter or the section I was like super interested in at the time.

But my publisher said well that’s breaking the the timeline. It’s it’s

when you write a book, you have to have this continuous this little line. Like I write like because my profession before

I was an author, I worked in the film industry and I went to film school. So for me, when I edit, I still see things

as a line and you put things along it. So there’s a rhythm that you follow in

order for the story to flow. I still have that. So when he says, “Well, we’re breaking the rhythm.” I totally

understood what he talks about. Sometimes you have to let go of your baby and finish the thing. So I hit

select that area, copy and I paste it in a different section and we continued and

we finished the five levels of attachment. This little extra I continue working on it and it became the book the

mastery of self. Wow. And at that point that’s how the books

start coming because you write all this stuff and they become tangent. So at

this point Randy see this is how we get the ideas here like so we basically began he had on his

side all these extras that I had from six books prior and he reached me one

day and he says Miguel um you know because of the times that we’re doing you know the fear really is a thing that

we really need to work on and I said yeah actually I totally agree with that I I think he says I’ve already collected

your extras from the books and we have about six chapters here. I think we just

have to keep going and fill this in. I’m like, “Yes, okay, let’s do it.” So, that was at the beginning of 2023

when or at the very end of 22 and at the beginning of writing it, it became this

uh I knew it conceptually, I knew it intellectually.

I can finish the book that way, but then life has its ways. I I suffered a concussion. I’ve went through some life

experiences, cancer scare, my son with his autism, getting diagnosed with something called a caregivers’s fatigue

because my son is autistic and taking care of him is is like I was averaging 3 hours of sleep a night. If I was lucky,

I would get four or five. So, and then the escalations and all that. And I mean

I have my daughter as well and my and family and things that happening in the world

but mostly was what what it mean. So, this book changed as from the beginning,

but my due date was September of 23, but I blew past my uh due date because I was

recovering uh from a concussion from an old injury. And then once my son went

away to a school, I had to deal with some stuff that’s had been done like the cancer scare for example, relearning how

to read because of the concussion the way it happened. I had to work my brain

and help it heal by being active and relearning how to write and rele learning how to read. This is why I

expanded it and Randy and uh all the editors at Hierofan Publishing helped me quite a bit. It was it was it was nice.

But it became this book of I went through something and now I’m sharing it. So that was you know that was the

origins of the book. It’s just the times that we were living in mixed in with

what I was experiencing during the writing of this book. Yeah. I find that often as an author,

the books that appear from me are very much related to the struggles that kind

of we have as as people. And I think you brushed on that slightly in the book, right? as you say, um, I really love the

moment in the book where you share that you are that you’re a huge football fan and that people are very surprised that

you would like football. So yes, there’s this like expectation that

people put on spiritual teachers and I’m interested how you handle that actually

and and what and how fear and how fear might come up in that and and how

writing this book might have helped you to support yourself through things like I mean it’s a lot to carry, isn’t it?

When you have the weight of the eyes of the world on you. Yeah. Well, it was interesting because I

made that conscious choice to bringing sports in our everyday life like that things that people wouldn’t consider

spiritual from my very first book, the five levels of attachment. I used football uh what in the states they call

soccer where the rest of us in the world calls football or ko in Italy. I use

that as the example to describe how we can increase our levels of attachment. And to be honest with you, it was a bit

of a challenge to the spiritual base that our our readers and followers do.

Uh people who follow the family on on with the books and the teachings and things of that and it was a challenge to

them to be able to find spirituality in everything because you can find

spirituality in all all these things because it’s still a human experience.

You know, for example, Jose, my brother Jose uses this image of going to an

Aussie Osborne concert. May he rest in peace. And my brother had just come back from India and he was used to the chants

and the prayers of being in India. So he went to an Aussie Osborne concert and

they started singing, “Mama, mama, I’m coming. Oh,

I’m coming.” And here’s about several thousand metal heads, maybe a good 15 to

20,000 metal heads all singing the lines to Mama Coming Home. And Jose stops and

hears them and he’s going, “They’re oming. They’re all oming. It’s

beautiful. It’s a beautiful experience.” So, it’s one of those things that in our

family, we we we find spirituality in everything. In the book, I we talk about me and my father going to an American

football game. The a game at the time was in San Diego back when the San Diego Chargers used to exist. And then we went

to see same again with the Las Vegas Raiders, Oakland A Raiders, LA Raiders.

My father would look up cuz my father is an avid sports fan just like us. We we all grew up with sports. We enjoy

watching events like that. But sometimes we can’t help but see spirituality in

anything you know it’s it’s one of those things is it’s the human expression is if in other words just spirituality is

just the communion of humanity with the divinity and all that that sense and it’s

expressed in so many ways just look at the diversity in religions that the

humanity has at the core of every one of those religion there’s a moment of

communion with divinity and they do the very best to put it in their words that they can understand in the environment

they’re coming from from that point of view is just the ability to engage. So

we’re watching the the game and my father looks up and he starts paying attention to the stadium and watches the

crowd. You know, if you ever been to a game, any match on game day, you have

half the stadium chanting and and celebrating a goal and the small little

quarter over here booing and then the visitors score and this little section

cheers while the rest of the jeers and booze and all that kind of thing. And my father says, “This reminds me of the

human brain, the mind. This is the mito.” So the way we describe it is like

imagine yourself in the center of the pitch and you’re in a sellout stadium like Wembley for example or La Marakana

or so or a big stadium like like here’s an on Arbor in Michigan and the Rose

Bowl in Pasadena like these other stadiums that could sit a 100,000 people. Imagine the stadiums

filled with people and each person that’s screaming is every single one of your beliefs, every single one of your

ideas. And each one of them wants to hook your attention.

And that’s the mito. Basically, every single one of your beliefs tries to hook your attention. And the question is

which one are you attracted to? Are you attracted to those jeers that’s putting you down for the good things you’ve done

or the part that celebrate you? Or in other case, you’re listening to the jeers that reinforce your domestication

or conditioning or are you listening to that big stadium? Or is it reverse? The

whole stadium is jeering and you only have the sliver of a group supporting your beliefs without cheering. You know

who you’re giving your attention to? Now we say this because going back to your question is about the fear about uh

being authentic is that I do understand where that question comes from because when the introduction of social media

was first started and we would share our social and back

then we were just being personal you know we we were not as you know it’s like reserved as we are nowadays Jose

shares but but back then you know you shared with everything everyone and one of the biggest judgments we had, my brother and

I, is when we put our music up. I like I was saying before the conversation, I

listen I love the Pashmore, the Cure and the Smiths. I love wearing black um I

was a goth kid growing up. I also listen to heavy metal, black salad and Iron

Maiden and things like that. And and we also love our goodness of course and hip-hop and gangster rap and all things.

So we would put up music and people would judge us like you should be listening to drum circles. You should be

listening to spiritual music. You should not be listening to you should be spiritual people. Like for example I

once got judged for celebrating Halloween. Like what kind of toolics do the toltics even know that you’re

celebrating Halloween in and and and listening to that judgment and going

they’re projecting onto us. I remember Jose posting a video with his friend and there

the friend is playing guitar and Jose singing just a little patience.

Yeah, I’ve been walking the streets at night

just trying to get it right and he’s singing his heart out and people are

judging like, “Oh, you should not be you’re a tok you’re a spiritual teacher.” So for us that was kind of

weird but it was one of those things that you know was it was in our the reality of that judgment. So to be

to go beyond the fear of allowing someone’s judgment to domesticate us and

condition us to fit whatever image they have of us.

It’s the same thing as being at home with our friends and family. You know, it’s the thing about who am I and how am

I going to get expressed? You know, there’s there’s the part of sites where you want to be able to engage

and at the same time be authentic and and it’s an authenticity where you

find our real true journey in life. You know, when Jose and I talk, we talk

about our lives. We talk about what we’ve experienced. We talk about this. We don’t talk about something that’s so

esotheric that is unreachable to so many people. It’s like for me in my case I

prefer to share something that is some people could consider mundane and bring you back to earth. Keep your foot on the

ground and let your imagination soar at the same time. But it’s one of those

things that in life that’s going to happen. It’s going to happen whether it’s on social media or it’s going to be

in our personal lives. Who am I? So the

being brave in not allowing domestication or

domestication judge you but at the same time find that common balance find that common ground of course

no one can make you feel inferior. That’s one of my favorite quotes from Elanor Roosevelt.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. If I par if I can paraphrase that. No

one can make me feel inferior without my consent. How do I give consent? By

believing it. By believing their judgments. Because all they’re doing is just sharing with us their own

domestication, their own prejudice or their own judgments, their own biases,

their own book of law, their own mito that stadium that we talked about before, and sharing with us what they

give their attention to and having that compassion for us. Of course, we will listen. My father always

taught us, don’t believe me, but learn to listen somewhere what I say lies the truth. And if you understand that one,

don’t believe yourself, but learn to listen somewhere what you’re saying lies the truth. And you understand that one,

don’t believe anyone, but learn to listen somewhere and what they say lies the truth. Learn to listen because

sometimes in those expressions there might be a truth that like, you know what, I can see that I’m going to shift

something. but not as a form of a judgment but because you actually listen. Most of the time we’re just

letting things go because it doesn’t really serve us and it’s not really the truth and it’s basically their image of

us and there’s nothing I can do to control that. Even if I try to speak it or share it, there’s nothing I can do.

And that’s where the fear gets alleviated. You know, it’s one of those things that I can only control to the

tips of my fingers. But I do I will be conscientious of it. Like one of the

teachings I have here, you know, it’s like uh there there are words that are innocent

here in the States that are not so innocent over where you’re from. You know, it’s there’s words that I can use

that here in the States. I won’t insult anyone because it’s an innocent term,

but it’s not so innocent over there, you know, in in Scotland and England and and

Ireland and over there. And I recently found out in ca Canada as well and

certain parts where the the English and uh the Britons have been to

for example the word fanny pack you know it’s an innocent it’s an innocent term but over there it’s like

whoa dude. Exactly. So, it’s it’s it’s it’s a I

control I’m I’m I’m responsible for the integrity and clarity of what I

say. I’m not responsible for how you hear it. Yes.

And the reason why is because I don’t control your perception. I don’t control your worlds. If you grew up in a part of

the world where that expression, that word means something different than mine, there’s the only way we can find a

common ground is the ability to listen to one another. And there’s the point like are we afraid

to listen because the way I found out about that is that the individual from Wales, you know, heard me say that

particular word. Now I’m going to be conscientious about it. like I know it

might have some words or stinging meaning so I’m not going to edit myself but I will be conscientious about it and

that’s the balance but she did was able to ask me and give me the benefit of doubt and she asked me what does that

word mean to you when I explained myself what the f word meant and she says well if you ever find

yourself in the United Kingdom that means something completely different than she told me that it’s like she could have made the assumption

that I meant that word the way she grew up meaning it and she could spend the

rest of the workshop thinking I was this sexist uh disrespectful to women who my

grandmother should know how I’m talking and does she or grandmother know about this type of word

but she didn’t she gave me the benefit of doubt and she asked graceful sometime

she gave grace I guess excuse me sir grace she was graceful

Yeah, she was graceful. Yes, I do believe that. I agree with that. I concur. And yeah, she she gave me the

benefit of the doubt and then asking and she heard what I had to say and then

listened to what she says, we both had this understanding going and we laughed about it. In fact, she started laughing

before I did cuz she was in in on the joke before I understood. I understood what that meant. And since then I’ve

shared this story with so many people that in America in the states

people have shared with me other words by which they found out it’s like sorry I’ll tell this one I apologize to any of

your audience people but one of the people who told me that it’s like she she she her fiance now husband is from

Scotland and she went there and the way she found out what that word meant was like they threw a party and they had a

big bonfire a good a good fire pit going and it was a cold night and she decides

to tell everyone, well, I’m going to go up and warm my over by the fire and

everyone laughs. Everyone laughs. But to her, she said she means the glutius

maximus, you know, that’s that’s what Fanny, sorry. Yeah, I said it means in the States. It it

it’s it it’s she’s like my friend from Wales says, we call that a bum pack.

It’s a bum pack. That’s your bum. Yeah, that word means it’s your bum in that’s what it means.

You’re trying to say at least that’s what you’re trying to say, Miguel. Bum pack. That’s a really good That’s a really

good story, isn’t it? That’s so good. So when Mhm. Yeah. No, you go ahead.

No, go for it. Go for it. Okay. Okay. I was going to say when people when you’re talking about authenticity and fear and not allowing

others judgments to affect you, if someone’s just starting out with the

this work and working with fear, do you have like some basic steps they can

take? Well, yeah. Well, basically it’s like in

the in the book, the thing that really came up is understanding the difference between real fear and irrational fear.

Mhm. Real fear is when you have a physical threat against you in the body. The mind

is like you you are being threatened with a knife. You’re being threatened with a gun or a fist or you’re being

threatened with by a snake or a wild animal or

a situation where you’re going to go bankrupt and you’re going to lose all these things or your career is about to

end. These are real threats that the body will respond with fight, flee, or

freeze. And it’s and it’s real. And here’s the thing, it’s natural. There’s

nothing wrong with fear. Fear is easier to understand as a function rather than

a concept. The function of fear is to keep you alive, to protect you. That’s it. That’s the job of fear.

It’s meant that when you are in those situations, you will respond with fight,

flee, or freeze or finish or fawn, whichever way you want to describe that third fourth one. But the body will

secrete a hormone that allows you to survive. If it’s fight, you’re going to get a rush of adrenaline that all of a

sudden you won’t feel any pain during that time because there’s so much adrenaline going that it’s just it’s uh

it allows you to survive, you know, or at least not feel the pain.

If you have flea, you’re going to run faster than wy coyote and the and the road runner and speedy Gonzalez. If you

if you know any of the Looney Tunes Yeah. uh uh cartoons from the United States. These are very fast characters.

You you will run faster than you ever think. Kind of like the fight that the whole expression here in the States

called mama bear. It’s like all of a sudden a fridge falls and there’s a child underneath and the mother is going

to have a strength that didn’t know she had and she pushes this a fridge out of the way because all of a sudden she

didn’t let that doubt get in the way of saving your

child. That’s what they call mama bear in that situation. Fight response.

Freeze is when you’re when you have the deer in headlights. All of a sudden you can’t move. But for for the first time I

experienced being in front of a rattlesnake without a glass wall in between us. The first time it was right

in front of me. I froze with freeze. I I I just couldn’t move. I was I was just petrified.

And fun is just letting something happen. Hopefully you’ll survive and just let it happen.

All of these are meant for you to keep alive

and it’s good. It’s natural. It’s okay to have fear. It’s okay.

Irrational fear is slightly different. The image now when I wrote the book, me

and Hari and our publisher and our editors, you know, basically we already described it. So the story I’m about to

tell you was redundant. So it didn’t make the final cut, but I like it. So I’ll tell it. My favorite way to

describe irrational fear is going to a movie theater in the movie theater. You’re going to

watch your a horror movie. Any movie that really for me when I was young it was Poltergeist and The Exorcist. And

the last movie that really made me feel fear was The Blair Witch Project the first time I saw it. The second time it

wasn’t so scary, but first time I saw it, I was scared for a whole week. And that and that TV series Walking Dead

also, but not because of the zombies. It was something else. It shows a different type of fear. But

here’s the thing. It’s just light being projected onto the screen with a great sound system. You’re not in danger.

You’re not in any threat. But as you get into the story and into the movie, all of a sudden you can’t

tell. You’re in it. You’re in the story. And in those scary moments when that scene comes in that’s meant to really

frighten you, you will respond with fight, flee, or freeze. The fight response is when we scream. We scream at

the movie theater. That’s the fight response. It’s kind of like the movie Braveheart when everyone

is chanting and screaming. Wallace is trying to make everyone get in and and

everyone’s screaming that uh that’s basically trying to get the adrenaline going. So when you’re screaming in a

movie theater, it’s basically the adrenaline getting ready to fight in their own way. You know, freeze is when

you go, you can’t move like you can’t breathe. Like the popcorn fell, but you can’t you can’t see. You can’t the the

movie the the it’s it’s just going the cinema.

Fle flee is you can’t go to the left, you can’t go to the right. There’s people. So you put your fingers in your

ear, you close your eyes, and you start coming. I’m trying to drown out the sound. You’re trying to escape.

And finish is just you just go numb. You just like let it happen. Just let it happen.

The body is not in any real danger, but the emotions are real because we’re experiencing the emotion. Sometimes our

emotions are real. What triggered it may not be real. It’s just light being projected onto a

screen with a great sound system. Now, here’s the thing.

The mind is more powerful than any movie projector.

The mind will project onto the world all the whatifs and answer it with the

worst case scenario. That’s my wife. My wife has that expression. She says anxiety is answering all the whatifs

with the worst case scenario. I don’t know if she read it somewhere or it’s hers, but she she says it. It’s my

wife’s anxiety is answering the worst case scenario. The whatifs with the

worst case scenario. That’s what irrational fear is. The

projection onto the world and thinking the worst of it and we will react with fear. So at this moment we’re basically

abusing fear in the same way we abuse alcohol or drugs. We’re just in like a scorpion. This is

Jose’s metaphor. Imagine a scorpion that stings itself over and over again, administering to itself that poison to

itself again and again and again. To let go is the moment the scorpion

decides to no longer sting itself, to no longer hurt itself with that poison.

Irrational fear is the same way. We give we administer to ourselves the fear that

poison that we meant for someone else to ourselves and it will only stop until we no longer abuse it

when we no longer judge ourselves. So

that’s different from PTSD mind you PTSD the body remembers. You’ve gone through an experience you’ve gone through a

traumatic event that the nervous system remembers. the body remembers and you may be doing all the work, you do all

the process, your rational mind understands what’s happening. That’s if you already cross the most difficult uh

barrier is acknowledging it, recognizing it. I have PTSD. That’s usually the toughest part

because otherwise we won’t we won’t be able to heal that which we don’t recognize or aware of. But once you’re

aware of you become aware that PTSD is this thing that

It might be a sound. It might be a tone of voice. It might be

a smell, a scent, a song, a bang. And the body remembers and it

goes and it will respond with that. It’s it’s that’s different from irrational fear.

That’s an emotional wound that’s going to take some time to heal. H

so knowing the difference between real fear and irrational fear and PTSD

to go beyond fear is to respect fear once again to respect it in our lives once to no

longer abuse it to no longer tap into our irrational fear and knowing that it’s just us making an assumption about

the rest of the world kind of like with the previous story like the young lady from Wales thinking that I meant that I meant something else other than bump

back. You know, it’s it’s we we make assumptions of the world and we fill it

up with the worst case scenario and we’re feeding ourselves that anxiety

versus real fear. Yeah. To respect fear is to know how it functions. Now, going back to your

question about someone who is starting, it’s a combination of both. We have

we’re quite aware of what could be wrong. That’s what life experience is. Well, most of the time the answer is the

anxiety that comes with it. It’s just that we’re projecting onto life all the whatifs and letting it dictate our

choices. So there’s a combination of both and you

one has to always be cautious. But it’s not in being cautious. It’s

more about being aware of the possibilities versus anxiety already answering it and

reacting to it. Cuz that’s one thing about anxiety. We

will react to it as if it’s already happening and it’s not happening.

To be aware of the potential that it could happen is basically all right my mind will think of this possibility if

the outcome outweighs if the benefit outweighs that. Like they say back in the 70s here

in the states, is the juice worth the squeeze? Yeah, my as my my friend Kirk taught me that

one. Is the juice worth the squeeze? Which to me simply translates as is the consequence worth worth the effort?

And that only an individual can answer that because it’s their life. It’s their experience. It’s their own journey. And

the only way to know if the benefit outweighs the consequence or is the juice worth

the squeeze is to know your own life, your own experience. So from that point of view, you know, my

grandmother, you can say is she is the spiritual head of our family. Even though she passed away in 2008, she

continues to be the spiritual head of this family. And it was her desire to share the tradition with everyone. When

people say that I am walking in my father’s footsteps, I have to say, “Yeah, I understand what you mean by

that.” But both my father and I are actually following my grandmother’s dream. In other words, her footsteps. She’s the

one who decided to share the tradition outside the family to go against the taboo that kept my avalito my great my

grand my great-grandfather Lon Lonardo and my great great greatgrandfather Bonikio my grandmother’s father and my

grandmother’s grandfather they grew up in a time of Mexico where it was taboo to talk anything outside

the Catholic church in Mexico to talk to teach anything of the messamerican roots

because the shadow of the whole Inquisition was still prevalent in the area.

So even though the whole Inquisition no longer had power at the time, in fact the whole Inquisition closed its doors

during my lifetime. I I remember the day when I when I read that the Vatican had closed finally officially the

Inquisition. But in Mexico, Donardo and Vasikio live through the shadow of it.

And it was taboo to teach anything outside the Catholic Church and teach the ancestral traditions. Even though in

Mexico Catholicism is mixed with the Mesamerican traditions, there’s a lot of

saints that used to have napu names. Laund her her real name is Donin Quatiqu.

Okay. The mother goddess. And the basilica lupe is built on top of

Tantin’s temple. So it’s one of those things that Mexico is just the religions are pretty much pretty much fused. You

know that’s you’re basically practicing both in in certain similar similar to Scotland actually.

It’s similar in Scotland. Yeah. Yes. Something that happens right throughout the world.

But yeah, it’s almost like they have to merge to survive, right? And that’s what our ancestors did in

order to survive. We’re we’re able to teach this because the traditions merged, you know, that’s in Mexico, it’s

actually it’s not famous. It’s uh it’s it’s if you if you have to look for it,

but there was a council of uh what priestic priest that came together and

found a way to merge. And unbeknownst to the to the Catholic priests, a lot of the stuff that got sneaked in was the

alastic traditions. And a lot of people continue to practice the tradition

and just under a different name. And one of them is about to come up, the day of the dead,

which is, you know, it’s controversial because, oh, it started in Spain. No, it started in Mexico. It’s it it’s it’s our

it’s our fusion, you know. That’s the thing. Anyways, going back to my grandmother, she was able to go beyond

that taboo. Maybe because the 60s changed things a little bit. Mhm. But but I still remember that when I was

growing up, when I was a kid, I wouldn’t be able to say that my grandmother was a faith healer, that my father was a shaman because I would be taunted and I

was taunted. I was made fun of and things like that. This is the 1980s.

And I know my grandmother was getting stuff too, but she continued on. she pressed on and she was quite famous for

what she did cuz what she did was in the 70s and 80s that’s that that’s the height of her fame and when my father

started apprenticing they thought he was you know learning from my grandmother

but basically it’s he’s the one who had to go through that phase of like questioning his authenticity but it was

my grandmother who really started it and she she shared it with everyone if my grandmother opened the gates my father

destroyed the gates. Yeah. And we my brother me and Jose just walked through it because in our

lifetime things changed because all of a sudden in Mexico

people were interested and even in the states people were interested you know like I I give thanks to a bands like

Cafe Takuba and Tyanes that began to change things a little bit and even the movie called the doors also helped a

little bit because they introduced that concept but it always requires someone to be

willing to go beyond their comfort zone. own and share. No, I follow someone on

Instagram that she has a shop somewhere in Pennsylvania in the middle of Amish

and the church is always going up to her her her place of of where she sells

alternative traditions, wickah for example, things like that, spiritual stuff and uh she always shares how they

always come in and try to convert her and other things like that. So you always have to be aware of where

you’re at. So that’s why every for everyone is different. She is going the journey of my grandmother in the middle

of the of the social media age. Going back to the nature of the

conversation. Brave. Yeah. Brave path. It is a brave path. Brave people.

But like my grandmother says, the most important part is knowing the

jewel you’re going to give. My jewel was to heal.

To to heal the purpose. That was the mission. If you’re just crossing it just to show

off the tradition, then it’s not going to have any legs because there’s no passion behind it.

There’s no real reason other than ego and personal importance. Yeah. You have to be focal of what the purpose

is. And in my grandmother eyes was healing and that’s what she focused on.

She she was actually on her way to go into a healing when she had a stroke

that ended her life and she was 98. So she technically worked until her very last day. She was on her way to do a a

healing and she passed well she had the stroke that

basically two days later she passed away from. My father does this similar thing. My

father says as a medical doctor he says I’m basically on a treadmill. I’m basically

taking care of symptoms but never getting to the root. I want to get to the root of a lot of illnesses. And that

was his mission to help people help themselves. And that’s the that’s the purpose of the four agreements

to be able to clean up the challenge of communication and undo what conditional love and domestication or conditioning

or internalization or indoctrination did to our hearts and minds and let go of it

to uncorrupt it. M and heal. And then what my favorite

teachings is the same thing, but it’s to uncorrupt knowledge. For example, one of

my favorite things to teach is the difference between the four agreements and the four conditions.

Conditions, the four conditions are the corruption of the four agreements.

We’re so used to domestication that we’ll corrupt anything with it. The telltale sign that we’ve corrupted the

four agreements is judging ourselves for taking things personal. Judging ourselves for making assumptions,

judging ourselves for the rest of it, punishing ourselves because we still think as soon as I live up to this

image, then I’m worthy of love or I’m worthy of the name Toltech. I’m worthy of this. We’re domesticating ourselves

again. But now we’re using the four agreements in that way. In that moment, we turn the four agreements into the

four conditions. And if we can do this to the four

agreements, we’re doing that to every single tradition. We’re doing that to Christianity to

uh Judaism to Muslim Islam to India. We’re doing that to psychology,

psychiatry, alcoholics anonymous, music, culture, gender. We’re doing that to all

of it because we’re so used to it. And I can’t give what I do not have. If I my

wife, she was raised and born and raised in Salt Lake City, Utah. She was raised Mormon. Honey, you’re Mrs. Domiguel Ruiz

Jr. Here’s the four agreements. Read it. Honey, you didn’t read the book. You’re

making an assumption. Honey, you are taking it personally.

Honey, I only hang out with people who are impeccable with their own word. At that moment, I’m judging her for

agreements she never made, but I’m forcing her to make the agreement through the judgment we’re

domesticating. At that moment I’m not practicing the four agreements. I’m practicing the four conditions.

And if we understand sorry do you think that do you think that fear

which is what we started talking about earlier but do you think that fear is a

driver of that judgment? Oh yeah. Irrational fear definitely it is. Yeah. Yeah.

It’s domestication. The fear of the judgment or the fear of not living up to our own expectations

we share that with everyone else because how can I allow it to happen I need to

domesticate everyone too to make them live up to it is wouldn’t it be easier the four agreements is practiced by

everyone yeah drives us to domesticate by people

yeah you probably heard this many times but when I first started my path the

four agreements was the first book my teacher gave me to read and it was very it was life-changing and I talk about

that in one of my books actually the four agreements and the reason I really like it and the reason I really like

your new book as well is because you guys have this really magical way of

simplifying things because there were so many books that I had read in my life that were esoteric and difficult to put

into practice. So for me, I could understand them cognitively, but I I was like, but how though? How do

you do it? How do you do it? So finding your your family and the way that you because the mastery of self is

another book that I read many years ago that changed that was another life-changing moment. You know, you read

things and it’s just a life-changing moment. Something just sticks. And what I really appreciate is the way that it’s

distilled down to the point where everybody can understand it. You don’t

need to be you don’t need to be, you know, priest class if you like to be able to absorb the teachings, which I

really really appreciate and love. And um I think everybody can get to the

point where they’re where they can read any of the books by your family actually and really get something from it. I did

have I do have a question about the Moti god digital. if you don’t mind. So AI is

a big deal right now and you know there’s a lot of social media algorithms and things going on online that seem to

be designed to trigger the mote in us right the mote has gone digital. So I

wonder what your perspective on that is and I wonder how your new book can help people address that because I think it’s

a big concern for people. Yeah. Well, I’ll I’ll address that

answering a little bit of the what what you’re saying. The thing with us and how why we bring it on to earth is that we

let life be the teacher. When life is the teacher, the main

principle teacher, it means that we’re putting into practice everything we’ve learned. You know, like imagine reading

all the books but never applying it. Then you’ll never know what it feels like. It’s kind of like reading a recipe

book. If you read a recipe book, but never apply the recipe, you’ll never know what that meal will taste like. The only way to know is you follow each of

those steps and little by little you get better and better. That’s the only way to really find out how that meal will

taste like. Well, that’s true with every book you’ve ever read or any workshop you’ve ever been, you put into practice.

Like for for example, for me, when I started teaching, I was a cover band. I

was covering the hits, the four agreements, the mastery of love and my father’s books and my grandmother’s teachings. But as life began to happen,

I began to adapt it into my own life, into my own experience, and it came from

there. Like seven books have come out and yes, the beginnings of it is my father’s teachings, my grandmother’s

teachings, but it’s also what life has taught me. That’s that’s what makes it unique. It sounds different from my

father and it sounds different from my grandmother because it’s unique to the individual

in the age of AI. We’re in a world that has already began

to spread way before that. You know, it’s it’s Gutenberg’s invention of the

press. It was a good prelude to this. You know when knowledge began to be

shared not by just by the elite or the chosen one the chosen few who were able to receive an education

and knowledge was shared with them print was able to go to the masses

and just like in then with Gutenberg a lot of misinformation began to happen if it’s on print it must be real and it

took several several generations to be able to learn how to read a

newspaper to not read it and believe it verbatim, you know, like you

don’t swallow it whole. You have to always ask who, what, when, and why. You like who, what, when, and why and where

and all that. Why you can fill 24 hours of a news uh

channel. The rest of them is straight to the point. Who, what, when, where. It’s

straight to the point. you know that your your newscast ends at that point in newspaper same thing because of print

you know it’s costly you have to be able who when where why the why well that’s

that’s what filled the opinion columns that’s the why the opinion columns are the why and everyone has a different

point of view and it took several generations even I I’m blessed being part of the international balorate and I

learned how to read a newspaper there and basically be able to give scrutiny. You know, you read two or three. The

reason why you have two or three newspapers is to see what the pattern is and the constant is the truth and the

rest of it is just it’s just fluff. A nice way of saying it.

Y but the rest of but it took us some time to be able to discern. And when we read

what happened with the internet is the same thing or even more powerful than Gutenberg and put in Gutenberg’s

invention almost to its dying bed but it still survived. People didn’t like reading a book digitally. They still

wanted to hold the book. The newspapers was a little something different. They didn’t survive as well.

The same thing that happened with Gutenberg’s invention. We began to believe everything. We began to see and

it took a us a while to give scrutiny you know and you know we were depending on them like no have a have fact

checkers and now that that’s gone you know they they got we had fact checkers now they they were taken away because it

was getting away of their propaganda and it’s just one of those things that I say that because you know if you read

history you understand that’s happens time and time again you know it’s it’s all cyclical

y all right so we have AI we have a new member to the table our creation

the what it is it’s still learning you know it’s still it’s still doing its

thing I was talking to my friend he lives in

New York he is an art director in design and advertising and arts in New York he

does a multi-talented individual and his take where we were talking about

it is a consensus but him and I both came up to is that AI is a great

instrument, but we’re going to see a lot of people overuse it and rely on it.

And when you rely on it, that’s when you no longer think because you’re so dependent on what AI tells you to do or

says that all of a sudden you don’t know your craft and you forget your craft.

But if you use it as an instrument, it’s just another instrument in your arsenal.

But it’s you who are the artist. Like don’t let the laziness of something can

do it for me. Let it think for me. Okay. Then it’s different. You know, for

example, like uh the Beatles released their latest single

using a little bit of AI to clean up John Lennon’s voice in the last recording.

But here’s the thing. It was an instrument in that case. It didn’t dictate the song. It basically helped

vein John Lennin’s voice so that they can build from that the song that came

out now and then which is you can hear Paul McCartney and Ringo Star’s current contribution and

you can hear the recordings and the memories of George Harrison and John Lennon and their AI was a part of it but the

band was real because we had two members who are no longer with us and AI I was used to

clean up what they did. It didn’t add to what they did. It just cleaned it up and

they built something. As opposed in contrast to an all AI band that’s

invented that is running around Spotify and none of its members were real and

the music was all AI generated. There you have the thought contrast. All right.

as the listener, as the audience, is that really important? Well, no.

You’re going to hear a song, if it the song resonates, it’s going to resonate. You’re going to be popping along, you

know? It’s like I still remember the time where a commercial made me and my friend who were like at the time in the

we were so alternative and and really goth or grunge or whatever it was back

in the day and like, “Yeah, we’re really it.” And all of a sudden we’re both bobbing to a commercial and it totally

got us. We’re like by the time they were advertised in Las Vegas I’m like man you know we’re like we drag that dragged in.

Same thing we’re going to be sharing a song a tune a melody that may be created by AI and it makes us bop our heads. It

makes us resonate as a listener. Uh it’s going to be great.

But if you put in your oh it has to be authentic. Then we have the situation where Bob Dylan was booed for playing an

electric on a old folk festival. And because Bob Dylan was no longer wanted

to be in the pigeon hole, he wanted to create more music because his imagination began to expand. And he

didn’t want to be just folk music. He wanted to explore more. And that same audience booed him again

where he did a DJ set and he started playing electronic music. You know,

it’s a good point. What happens with with the artist? Yeah. So with AI it’s going to be art for the

artist for the person who creates it. Now who’s going to be a afraid? It’s the people who the livelihood I’ve I’ve read

an article or post by a graphic designer that says I spent years years developing

my craft only to be taken away by someone just voicing something into or

speaking something into a program or keying in what they want. and the AI will do it for you and they cut out the

middleman. Well, here’s the thing. It’s just yes, we competition will always be there and

you know this is when it it’s it’s an argument that even in immigration and politics they talk about they’re going

to take our jobs and it’s been fueling political stuff all around the world in regards to

immigration and things like that. Yes. Now you have an immigrant that we

created and has no borders and it’s actually a real threat

to someone who uh makes a living out of this

and but the same thing happened with the person who was carrying the horse a buggy. You know like uh carriages here

comes the car. those who are made the profession of working the the the

landlines of a telephone and all of a sudden cell phones come in makes your job irrelevant. There are so many jobs

that became irrelevant because of progress that humanity has created just in this hundred years. There’s jobs that

no longer exist. A film projector uh die in a cinema. the guy who projected the movies and the movie that you went to

see, you know, is probably is doesn’t have the same job. You know, that that someone else came in because the person

who knew how to put real tore didn’t know how to flip the keys and push the

button on a different software that the other person says it was not manual. You know, it’s cinema paradiso would be a

totally different experience. Yeah. If if if it survived. Most most of the cinemas no longer exists because

something. Yeah. Uh the the uh in uh streaming services took it

away. Amazon took it away or whoever it was that took it away. And it’s one of those things that’s going to keep

happening. Someone is going to usurp Amazon. Someone’s going to usurp all these things because the technology

keeps changing and changing. You know, there’s there’s companies that were so powerful in the 60s and the 80s that no

longer have that power. This has changed and this is just the the most modern

thing. Who knows what AI is going to create? Because, you know, it’s

Frankenstein’s monster, but with a beautiful brain, much much more intelligent than Einstein, you know.

Yeah. It’s like there’s a I think there’s going to be a real call for

human created art, human created music, human created uh words. I think that

people will be surprised about the new layout of our world post AI

but I am an eternal optimist I have to say. So although it’s going to be very difficult for some areas of society who

will have to pivot and we’ll have to change I do feel that we are quite privileged

in the west that we have the option to pivot and we have the option to try other things and you know I would

suggest that the fear that we that we’ve been talking about

can really hold people back from seeing the seeing different possibilities or a

new way to interact with the as evolving to be well that’s a beautiful thing there’s

expression necessity is the mother of invention and that is also in ourselves because

sometimes the biggest fear we have as an individuals is going outside our comfort zone the sometimes when we’re so

attached and here’s where fear comes in with attachment you see an attachment is something healthy attachment is we

engage a moment because that’s what life is we engage a moment and then we disengage when the moment is over engage

disengage Engage, engage, disengage, engage, disengage. What makes an attachment unhealthy is when the moment

comes to detach. We can’t because we don’t know any other way of life. And all of a sudden fear is this

is when fear comes in. Irrational fear. Who am I without this attachment? Who am

I? How am I going to survive? How am I going to engage? At this moment you you have very little respect for yourself

because you don’t think you can survive without this. But what happens if you detach?

Well, we’re able to engage something else. Like it’s it’s it’s the ability. It’s

those who have suffered a traumatic brain injury. And I I’m not going to call myself surmic because I can think

of people who had worked, but I’ve had a concussion. I And I in the middle of that, we did find that I have an an

injury from when I was a teenager that I didn’t find out about it till now. like thank God for the concussion because I

wouldn’t have known about it. Now that I know about it, I can do something about it. And that’s dealing with the

plasticity of the brain. The pla the brain can relearn. It may not be as fast as when we were kids, but the brain can

relearn. It has the capacity to engage. We just have to get outside the comfort zone and re-engage, re-engage,

re-engage. Find that thing that allows us to use things. For example, in this

stage of our lives, AI is a tool.

It’s going to do a lot of harm and it’s going to do a lot of good. Both will exist just like there’s both good in

social media. There’s a lot of good and right now there’s a lot of bad. But it’s the things that it’s the human

brain. The thing about it is going back to the talk about mito is that the

reason why it is is that we’re talking mind to mind. We’re talking mito to

mito. That’s why when we go to social media or in the internet, it’s it’s all it’s all talking mind to

mind. Going back to the four agreements, taking things personal. All right. One

of the things I used to when I still teach actually, the best way to start to learn how to not take things personal is

start by dealing with the fringe of your circle of friends of your of your circle of influence. That’s called if you start

on the outer skirts, it’s easy because out here the only thing triggering you

is your belief system. Kind of like in social media, if you’re in social media and you get triggered,

the only thing that’s getting triggered is your belief system. Your mito. But as you get closer

and you start going into the people, all of a sudden the triggers are not just belief system. These are emotional

triggers, emotional wounds with people we have in our lives. people that like

their interactions were direct relationship to us and all of a sudden we get to the toughest people to not

take things personal. Usually it’s mom, dad, brother, sisters, the core of our

family and then we’ve learned like we put into all in practice little by little we unlearn we we practice we get

better. I’m not taking things personal. And then you master it and then life

says, “Oh, really? You think you mastered? Let me open up this onion and I’ll call my kids.”

And with each year, it changes. You think you don’t have to take a 5-year-old personally. Let me introduce

you to the six-year-old. Let me introduce you to the 10year-old. Let me introduce you to the 15, the 20 year old. And that’s where I’m at. My my kids

are 20 and 18. That’s where I’m at. And then the the person you’re taking the most personal is changing in front of you. And then it turns out if you really

go in, if you really want not taking things personal to work, it

starts by not taking yourself personally. Once you’re able to not take yourself personally, everything else is

easier. It turns out it’s about engaging this. Know yourself. Know thyself. Start

here. I can’t be the change you want to see in the world. Let peace begin with me. If you want to see the end of the

the war, it ends with me. If I want to heal fear, it has to start with me. I

can’t feel heal that fear out there, but I can feel and heal the fear within me. That’s the nature of my book. I be it’s

it was my journey to heal the fear within me or at least come to terms with

it to acknowledge it to acknowledge my PT. I have PTSD. I have caregivers

fatigue. I do have a brain injury. I do have traumas from the past. Been blessed

to be able to heal a lot of my wounds with my ex-girlfriends. And they’ve

given me the chance. And I’m so grateful to my wife for giving me the opportunity to do that. And the best person that

benefits is her and she and I because all of a sudden those past wounds are no longer infecting

and impacting my relationship today. And there it is. That’s the work.

And I think that’s a really important thing to let people know as well. Don’t you think about these like um realistic

conversations about a healing timeline, you know, how long things

take and for me I’m on lifetime, you know, I’m on like from birth to death

and I’m happy with that. and something these moments where we find a book like um the poisoned arrow can really help

move us forward and help that like you said the the onion layer you know how we

can continue to continue to become who we are destined to be but it’s a it’s a

lifetime’s work right it doesn’t happen overnight I think sometimes people get a bit upset when they don’t see the

instant yeah they want instantly but that’s the big lesson in my life and I learned it the hard way no one heals on

my schedule not even me. It’s like it’s it’s it life happens and you have to

adapt or you want to adapt. That’s the thing. There’s a lot of things that there’s going to be AI is going to bring

going back to your point about with teachers out there. Yes, AI is going to come in how you going to use it. This

book, the f uh the the the poison arrow AI helped me in

transcribing me because I couldn’t I couldn’t talk fast enough. So what I

did, I recorded I recorded my voice onto something and an AI transcriber which is

much like it was much better than fire fire whatever fire dragon something like 10 years ago

I tried using it was especially if you have an accent terrible absolutely terrible it was it

was like like it was it was faster to me to transcribe it myself than fix what it

was says. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. you know, you you use a software that helped me transcribe it

and then the humans, which is the editors, the humans and I, we began to work. So, it was it was an instrument.

So, it it’s one of those things that we adapt. And if you happen to be be in

a career that AI is going to take it, all right, find a way around. Actually, a beautiful a beautiful analogy to that

is a movie out there. I’m I’m trying it was it was someone who worked in NAZA and she realized that their jobs was

going to get taken by computers. So she called such a good movie. Yes.

She taught she taught all the all the people who were working as computers or like calculating

how to program the software from those first generation and all these people who would have been

out of the job get the job because they were already trained. What’s the name of

that? Hidden Figures, right? Hidden Figures. Yes. Oh, that was such a good movie. That was so good.

Very good movie. But but that that that scene, that moment, you know, where she teaches, she sees that the computers are

going to come and take the jobs and she sees a whole pool of other women who are

going to lose their jobs to this thing. And so, well, what’s the need? What’s going to be the need to this? And learn

it. And that’s that’s that’s the thing about life. It never stops. Like if you thought that your school days are over,

think again. It’s like as we adapt, learning allows us to go into the world

and understand it. Like basically right now, like even I’m even I’m guilty of this. There are certain software that

I’ve don’t know how to use and my kids do and all I needed to do is pick up a

book and read what it was and then I would be fluent in it. And the only reason why I’m not fluing it is because

I didn’t pick up the book to understand the new software. And all I had to do was pick an effort.

And that reminds me of a teaching a teacher taught me in Mount Chester. I really wish I could remember her name

and but she said it. The key to enlightenment is effort.

That’s it. The key to enlightenment is effort. Since then, life has taught me this. Effort is using the energy that

animates his body and mind to manifest something. It’s taking one step. It’s making a choice. That’s what effort is.

Discipline is to remember to apply that effort every day. Forget about the drill sergeant. Is about making that choice.

Success is simply following through. Like that recipe book, if you follow

each one of those steps, your success will be you have a meal that you will eat at the end of it.

And that’s really the key. The key to enlightenment is effort. The key to surviving AI is the effort to keep

yourself, I would say, relevant. But more importantly, it allows you to

continue to be the artist of your own life. [Music] What is that going to look like?

I wish I could tell you, but it’s going to be unique to you.

Love it. I love it. So, I had a I had an idea, Miguel, if you if you would if you

would indulge me. So, I thought what we could do is I thought I could ask you some quickfire questions that maybe you

could answer in like a few sentences about things. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, the first one is

um what is the heart of the poisoned arrow and what makes it different from

your other books?

I actually use it to heal myself in real time

and I sh and it’s me sharing it.

The master itself it was it was also the same way I I used it to heal myself but really after I published it that’s what

I used it to stop drinking. So, it’s been nine years since I stopped drinking and it coincided after reading with my

book really. I applied it. So, I I read I read the manuscript. I read my I read

my own book and I’m like, “Okay, let me apply it.” Yeah. Yeah. Amazing.

Okay. That’s a really good uh Oh, that I think helps people to humanize you too, right? And not have

you on a pedestal that you can fall off. I don’t like being on a pedestal. I don’t like people put me on one because

it’s really annoying when you fall off. Oh, I I I I love dismantling and and

destroying Dom Jr. time and time again. Like in every in every class and every lecture, the very first thing that goes

out the window is Dom Jr. That guy doesn’t exist. I exist. Yeah. Okay. Next one. So for someone

who’s listening right now who feels afraid, who feels fear, what’s one thing they can do in the next minute that will

help them? Take a breath, look at something around

you and realize it’s called grounding.

Just breathe and ask yourself, is this a real threat

that I have or is it me thinking about life? Is it is it my projection? But you

know what? Actually, that’s just me. That’s the mind. When you’re in the middle of a fear, if

you’re in the middle of a panic attack, if you’re middle of an anxiety attack, logic is not going to help you. You

know, one would love it if it was, but the emotional when once the emotional body starts going. So, all you have to

do is take focus your attention on your breath. Focus your attention on your

breath. Focus your attention on something around you. Kind of like in hypnotherapy, you focus your your pain

and a focal point and you project your pain to that focal point.

What you’re doing is basically redirecting your attention from your thoughts. is redirecting yourself from

those moments. My father’s favorite instrument to do that is

music. Once he catches himself, he redirects himself to music. Something

that allows you to be present. Something that allows you to get out of your mind.

So breath. I am alive at this moment in time. And

for as long as I’m alive, anything is possible, including healing from the wounds of conditional love left in my heart, in my mind, I am alive. So focus

on that breathing. Focus on how your body feels. Focus on something around

you. Focus on a different sound. Focus on a on the rhythm of a train or the the

sounds of a muffler of a car going past. Think of the sound of of a bird. Think

about No, don’t think about it. Listen listen to it.

listen to something real and focus your breath

towards that direction. All right? Because in in that moment is Yeah. I

would love to say that a personal transformation would be easy if we were all robots to avoid all we would need is

logic. But we’re not we’re human beings and we experience emotions. So something logical is not going to go. So address

the body and and give your body love.

All right. How has your understanding of fear

evolved over the years? Like what do you see now that you didn’t see be?

Well, like I said before, it’s it’s uh it’s there to help me. It’s there to help protect me. And it’s okay to feel

it. Whatever judgment I had about feeling fear, it was just someone’s projection like forcing me to do

something I didn’t want to do. basically that was thought fear was that way. But you know that’s it’s it’s natural to

feel fear. What’s unnatural is to abuse it. You know it’s like alcohol only is

terrible once you start abusing it or any other drug or any other emotion that

is not conducive to your own happiness. You know it’s it’s just a thing. So,

fear. Sorry, I I unlocked the thing and it totally um I was looking for the name of the

movie, but uh but it’s basically it’s that it’s there to help me and it’s okay to feel it and

to be aware of the difference between irrational fear and real fear. And fear is a beautiful thing, but it be could be

destructive. And the most dangerous reaction is freeze. I used to think it

was fight, but it’s freeze. That’s the most dangerous. And the reason why is

because when you h when you allow free uh irrational irrational fear to freeze

you, it’s because you no longer trust yourself to make a yes and no uh choice or decision. You no longer trust

yourself to make choices. You no longer trust yourself. And that’s the one when it’s dangerous because all of a sudden

you’re stuck because you’re afraid to go in a different direction or that direction or this direction because you

no longer trust yourself to make a choice and that’s irrational fear telling you all what it

lovely. Thank you. Okay. What is the most beautiful thing you’ve witnessed in

someone who’s worked with these teachings about fear?

Actually, it happened quite recently. At the very beginning of of a workshop, there was a person who wasn’t hugging

anyone or anything like that. And by the end of it, he was well, he was not hugging, but he was shaking people’s

hands and smiling a bit more. But he even played piano for us. That was that was beautiful.

So, it was pretty cool to see that. Whether it was fear or not, I don’t know. I just it was nice to witness

someone open up. Yeah, that just a we we crack.

Lovely. Yeah. Now, is there anything else that you would like to share that we haven’t

covered?

My whole thoughts just a bum rush. They’ll try to come forward and they all stop and like wait a minute.

Is there, you know, for me is all this work is to enjoy life, to enjoy being

yourself, to enjoy life. And sometimes fear stops you from making choices that

you want to take and make. And sometimes with good prudence, you know, it’s it’s

it’s prudent of you to not make that choice. It was the right decision. But there’s some decisions that you didn’t

even give life the chance to say yes because you already said no.

When you tell yourself no because you’re afraid of the answer,

that’s when we clip our wings, you know, because everyone has the right to say no.

But when we say to ourselves is that’s what stops us.

It’s okay for someone to say no. And if we’re afraid of the no because when normally normally,

for example, it’s like when I was young, I was afraid to ask a girl out and go

out, you know, like the re fear of rejection is quite strong. But as I gotten older, I realized all this person

is saying is their truth, their honest truth. I’m not their type. They’re not

into me. They’re not attracted to me. it’s not the appropriate time, whatever. It’s nothing against me. It’s their

truth. Like for example, I don’t like papaya. I hate papaya. I I

ever since I was a kid, I hate it. It just the taste, the flavor makes me gag every time. It’s just terrible. But

every year I eat it just in case this is the year I become an adult.

Turns out I have a apparently. But anyways, that was someone used used against me. All right.

in their eyes and papaya. They’re not I’m not their type and

that’s okay. Kind of like in Sex in the City like Burger told Miranda, he’s just not that into you. You know, she’s not

that into me. Now, why am I afraid of rejection? This it become my favorite in

uh one of my favorite stories to tell. What taking things personally is to take it personal is to use that person’s

truth and reinforce whatever insecurity I have about myself.

At that moment, I’m taking this person’s truth and using it against me. I’m using

it to continue my domestication. If I respected the person, which now I do, I

simply say, “Thank you so much. I understand I’m papaya to you and that’s that’s fine. I’ll find someone who loves papaya.” And luckily for me, my wife

likes papaya, meaning she likes me. And for 21 years, we’ve been together.

That’s the thing. It’s like be with someone who wants to be with you. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t. Be with someone who does.

And don’t take it personal when someone says no because all that person is saying is they’re saying their truth.

They’re not that into you. And that’s fine. What what’s damaging is using their truth to say that you’re worse

than or inferior or subjugate. And that’s usually when we tell ourselves no. That’s why we’re afraid of that no

so much because if they say no to us, I’m not lovable. I’m ugly. I’m this, I’m

that, and whatever mito diet tribe happens in our mind that we ruminate

over, it’s going to that’s what we’re really afraid of. We’re really afraid of the

pain that’s going to come from the judgment that’s going to come when someone says no to me. M

but sometimes if if you understand this one you can understand why people get angry and just like when they hear no

like because how dare you say no to me like you and then there’s quest to make the person change their no to a yes.

It’s it’s that’s ego based. Yeah. Okay. But

there’s also the time as I think about it, there’s the stories of like someone who how to court someone and little by

little that no turns into a yes. You know that’s the old classic courting someone.

And that’s basically looking back on it is because every time

that person said no, you respected it. Every time that person said no, you respected it. But you never knew if

today was going to be the day that changed. But you have to always respect it.

Even walk away and let it go. Letting go.

Respect goes a long way.

Respect will take us far. That’s That’s the thing, isn’t it? There seems to be like a fundamental lack of respect at

the moment in our the way that we the way that different sides are engaging or

not with each other, the way that we engage with people. And that’s one thing about social media. It seems to remove

some of the need to be somewhat respectful, which is interesting, right?

Well, that’s because your nose is not in any danger of getting broken.

Nailed it. Any person is brave. It’s kind like you see

those dogs that bark at each other and the gates between them, they bark, they park, park bark, they open the gate and they stop barking.

Social media is Yeah, that’s very funny. All right, this has been a real delight. Thank you so

much, Miguel, for joining me and sharing your thoughts with us.

Oh, thank you. I really appreciate the opportunity to be on your program. It’s It’s been fun. Thank you so much for making it so fun.

Good. I’m glad it was. It was fun, wasn’t it? It was nice. All right. Miguel’s book is The Poisoned Arrow, a

tool tech guide to overcoming fear is available everywhere you buy your books.

So, get out there and conquer your fear. Right guys, thanks so much for listening

and we’ll see you again soon. Ch. Kiss.

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