The struggle with being a beginner
A voice in my head whispers, “Don’t share this—you’ll sound conceited.” But I’ve learned that voice is often a sign to share because others might feel the same way.
I’ve been thinking about this quote I saw: “Progress isn’t measured by how good you are; it’s measured by how often you return to try.”
That idea is freeing for many, but it landed differently for me.
For much of my life, my first attempts at things weren’t bad. In fact, by other people’s standards, they were excellent. I was defined as the kid who was good at everything without making an effort.
This created a trap—an expectation that I had to be immediately good at everything.
When people praised my early efforts, I started relying on external validation rather than embracing the messy learning process. I skipped the developmental part where you stumble and grow. It made me uncomfortable with being a beginner, even though I knew I wanted to learn… I couldn’t.
It made me drop out of Uni, drop musical instruments, stop painting… it showed up in every area of my life.
Now, I’m a week into re-learning the bodhrán, and let me tell you—this feeling is still alive and well. Whenever I miss a beat or get it “wrong,” I feel that familiar flush of embarrassment. But unlike when I was in my 20s, I have the skill to acknowledge my feelings and allow them to pass – picking up the tipper (beater) and trying again.
I’ve been at this for seven days, and somehow, I expect myself to play perfectly. Where does that come from? Why is it so hard to accept that I’m exactly where I need to be—at the beginning?
This is where I remind myself: being a beginner isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up. It’s about allowing myself the freedom to be messy, miss beats, get it wrong, and keep going anyway.
Learning as an Adult
The bodhrán has also highlighted something I’ve seen in my work. Adults often feel like they’re not allowed to learn. It is as if the ability to try new things, fail, and improve belongs only to children.
Think about it. Most spaces designed to foster growth and resilience—schools, training programs, sports teams—are built for the young. Somewhere along the way, society quietly tells us, “If you don’t have it figured out by now, you’ve missed your chance.”
It’s easy to internalize that message. We avoid trying new things because the risk of “failing” feels too high. We fear embarrassment or judgment. And we stop growing, not because we lack the ability, but because we don’t feel we have permission.
The Upper Cauldron and Creativity
This touches the Upper Cauldron, the space of creativity and vision. When this cauldron is blocked, we get stuck in the need to prove ourselves instead of simply exploring. Creativity thrives in curiosity, in the freedom to fail and try again.
Spaces to nurture this kind of growth often don’t exist for adults. We’re left feeling stuck, silenced by shame, and disconnected from the joy of learning.
If you’re holding back from starting something new, ask yourself:
- What would happen if you let yourself be a beginner?
- How much joy and growth might you find if you permitted yourself to get it “wrong”?
The Upper Cauldron reminds us that creativity isn’t about the outcome but the process.
😍 What new thing do you want to learn – something that sits quietly yearning for attention?
🤩What is your relationship to learning? Does this resonate?