ShamanTalk Episode 87

Transactional Relationships

Redefining Your Inner & Outer relationships

Do you have an inner checklist or a set of rules that you assume, if you follow them, will lead to a perfect or happier life? 

 “If I watch what I eat, then I can have a drink this weekend.”

 “If I don’t lose my temper today, then I am a good parent.”

“ When I go to the gym and lose ten pounds, I’ll love my body.”

“ When I stop feeling anxious, I’ll be a better person, and people will like me more.”

Most of us live in this transactional space within ourselves, where we’ve decided that if we do X, then we’ll be ‘good enough’ (whatever that means for you).

But somewhere along the way, the pressure to live up to this ever-growing set of inner conditions and rules becomes too great to live up to, and we end up failing in these transactions.

It’s at this point that the voice of your inner transactional relationships morphs into the voice of your inner critic, and you can find yourself in a highly anxious space, often teetering on the edge of depression and anxiety or falling into that dark space entirely. 

With external relationships, we assume if we act in a certain way, we will fit in. Others will accept and respect us. They will also repay us for our effort. When they don’t live up to these expectations — which is almost always — we become resentful. 

Often our expectations of a relationship are subtly transactional – if I do this for someone, I can expect the same or similar in return.

Here are a few phrases that both parties may ask to help describe a transactional relationship:

“If I do that, what do I get?”

“This relationship is not worth the effort I am putting into it.”

“You need to understand my perspective” (without trying to do the same for them).

Now I’m not saying you should give and give in a relationship and not receive anything back in return.

Sometimes transactional relationships are necessary, like in the workplace, for example. 

In this podcast, we are looking at the transactional nature of many of our interactions, both within and without.

Once you have this information, it’s up to you how to process and action any necessary changes you feel are due.

Activities & Journeys

1- Journey with your Guides and ask to be shown the transactional nature of your inner voice, and ask for practical steps you can take to begin to change your relationship with yourself.

2 – Next, I’d like you to try using your imagination and have a conversation with the transactional part of yourself. Here are the steps:

Set sacred space in the usual way and connect with your Guides

 Invite your transactional self to come forward – perhaps you’ll feel different energy or see a symbol. Maybe the part of you will come forward like a guide and take a form you can talk with.

Spend some time in your imagination having a conversation with this part of yourself. It may feel strange to start with but stick with it! The types of questions you can ask to get started:

  • Why do you need things to be transactional?

    Where does this need come from?
  • Do you represent/embody an external voice from my childhood?
  • How can we work together to make you feel safe and let go of the need to barter?

When you are complete with your conversation, thank your Guides and your Inner Self and take some time to write down what was said. You may also do this during the conversation if that works better for you.

But please do write it down – that’s important to solidify the conversation and help you see patterns and expand on the information you receive.

Close your Space & Ground yourself in the usual ways.

Take some time and think about how you will put what you’ve learned into action.

  • What will you change?
  • How will you do that? 
  • What tools do you have that will support you?

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