Behaviours that look emotionally intelligent -

Behaviours that look emotionally intelligent – but might not be…

Saying “I understand” when someone hurts you, even though you feel dismissed inside
👉 You’re practising empathy and seeing their perspective. However, you may also be skipping over your emotional truth to stay calm or avoid conflict.
🌿 Try instead: Say, “I’m still sitting with how that landed”. Take time with the hurt and then decide on the next steps.
Pausing to regulate, but only so you can keep going and not “ruin the day”
👉 You’re regulating for a moment for other people, but not necessarily listening to what your body needs. This is a great occasional tool, but as a rule… not so good.
🌿 Instead, try taking time away if you can, changing plans or letting people know you‘re leaving early.
Telling yourself “I just need to be more present with the kids”… while your body is tense and screaming.
👉 You’re overriding your nervous system with shame to perform “good motherhood.”
🌿 Try acknowledging how you feel and saying out loud, “I’m at capacity.” (or other age-appropriate statement), and then take time away. Model emotional intelligence for your kids.
Journaling to “figure out why you feel this way” when you’re already emotionally exhausted
👉 It seems reflective, but you’re over-processing instead of just feeling. It keeps you stuck in your head.
🌿 Instead, drop the pen. Put your hand on your body. Give it 90 seconds of patience and silence for the emotion to move through.
Saying “It’s not that deep, I’m just hormonal/tired” when something activated you
👉 You’re invalidating real feelings to seem “balanced” or emotionally mature.
🌿 Instead, say, I’m having a hard time with my hormones today. I’m going to X,Y, Z to support myself with that.